What have I been up to
Writing you may have missed.
So, what have I been up to?
Unfortunately for you, the loyal reader of this collection of nonsensical writings, not much has been appearing here in recent weeks. Fortunately for you, that comes to an end now, with two pieces of mine.
These two pieces of mine were published on theprompt, so you should head over there to read them. Here’s a little taste.
Spicy: Can’t A Bald Man Just Enjoy His Kung Pow in Peace?
I look like I’m not enjoying this. I look like I am in need of assistance. I look like a caricature, a stereotype, a cliché.
Yes, this is exactly what you would expect to see when a person of my somewhat fair complexion–a combination of Eastern European, middle European, and Scottish–begins eating spicy foods.
Forget more napkins, this man needs a beach towel and some milk. He is in trouble. He is not gonna make it. Why is he so wet? Did he just come in from the rain?
Whether it be Indian or Mexican. Thai or Chinese, Southern or Southwestern, the result is the same: I am sweating buckets.
But know this: I’m doing just fine.
I am afflicted with a very proactive body reflex. My normal hand-eye reflexes are fine, I would say slightly above average, but far from world class. But the nerves which trigger an axon reflex that begins to stimulate my sweat glands are the reigning, undefeated, undisputed champions of the world.
These glands are so good at what they do, I don’t even need to taste anything spicy.
All that’s needed for them to kick into high gear and start pumping out that semi-salty discharge all over my face and bald head is simply a little whiff.
One sniff is all it takes, sweat falling out of me, perspiration, I look like I’m in pain.
Read the rest of the story here!
This Is Your Brain on NFL RedZone
A descent into the madness of 7 HOURS OF COMMERCIAL-FREE FOOTBALL!
Towson, Maryland – NFL RedZone begins in 11 minutes. It is Week 8 of the 2021 NFL season. And with the Ravens on a bye week, there is no one game to distract us from watching all of the football.
I am at my parents’ house, watching on channel 835, the day after celebrating Grandma Selma’s 90th birthday. Grandma Selma’s first football game was likely at Yankee Stadium with Grandpa Joe. And she still calls them the New York Football Giants.
I spend this time making picks in my family’s weekly pick ‘em league, which is in its 19th season. I don’t feel good about any of my picks. Too many games involve two unreliable teams. This is a bad slate of games (only one involves two teams at .500 or better) but the quality of the games doesn’t matter on RedZone.
Begin, 1:00 P.M. ET: “The first time Halloween has fallen on a Sunday since 2010,” Scott Hanson says. “No candy in the studio, we’re handing out touchdowns. Full size.” We begin with an Octobox to show every game at kickoff.
The Early Slate of Games:
Panthers at Falcons, Dolphins at Bills, 49ers at Bears, Steelers at Browns, Eagles at Lions, Rams at Texans, Titans at Colts, Bengals at Jets.
After 4 minutes: The Colts gain 25 yards on their first play. The Panthers give the ball away on a fumble in Atlanta, and the Rams gain 15. We’re off. The first points are a 46-yard FG by the Falcons’ Younghoe Koo in an empty-looking stadium.
After 7 minutes: TOUCHDOWN! The Rams’ Darrell Henderson is our first of the day.
After 17 minutes: Indy goes for it on 4th down twice on their opening possession and scores a touchdown on a 4th down. This is what we love to see. Field goals don’t win games. NFL coaches, who make decisions like they are constantly looking at the blade of the guillotine above their necks, have finally found some chutzpah.
Read the rest of the story here!
Ben Krimmel is a writer from Baltimore who lives in New York.